Selfless? Part 2

In my efforts to be more selfless I've encountered some issues. I'm realizing the desire I now have to be more selfless and that pushes me to... be more selfless. Now I used to think that that would be great, just like others I'm sure would think it great to strive to be more selfless, but it's bad. As in bad news. As in I now am more prideful in my own humility and in my efforts to do things that are "nice, sweet, kind, considerate, etc." and it makes me think that I'm better than other people. Like I'm somehow in on a secret that almost no one else knows about. Laughable, I know. I think to myself about how much more considerate I am than someone else, or I think about how I can't be annoying because I can see all their faults and I'm not doing any of that so... I'm good. False. I suck. Bottom line I mean let's get down to business and cut the crap. I am a selfish person. Now I want to be selfless and I'm trying hard, I mean I really am. I think I'm better than everyone and everything. So yes you're right, there's my problem. I'm trying to accomplish something I can't accomplish. I can't do it, come on! NO WAY! It is not possible and the only thing that happens, other than you trying to boost your own ego in something that isn't real, is you get wicked frustrated because you soon realize that the reason you're being selfless is for whose gain? YOUR GAIN. And that is the opposite of selfessness.

In talking with people I try to stay kinda quiet and not brag about myself because, well of course I wouldn't want to be selfish and brag about myself so that I can get more attention. That would just wouldn't be selfless. I mean that's just annoying. I feel like people that talk a lot also LOVE attention. And not just love attention but crave and need it, coincidence? I think not. Anyways my not talking about myself opens up a window for other people to talk about themselves. Now this makes me feel better about myself because I know that I'm not bragging and someone else is so I'm just like the man pretty much. Right? Boom WRONG. No way. That is lame and all it does is boost my little ego in my head. And why would I want to do that?? Because I'm selfish. Boom Analyzed.