Hey I got a new blog, it's way more coolerer... and it corrects my grammar for me...
http://garrettmaxwell.wordpress.com/
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Doubt and Fear
Recently I've been struggling with doubt. Now doubt can be a great asset but also a great enemy (which is why I've been struggling with it...). The negative side of doubt will be the current focus seeing as how it's something I've been flipping through in my mind tirelessly and it's also my blog sooo... deal.
I'm a thinker, a ponderer, an intellectual... maybe, so my mind tends to bang on all cylinders so to speak. I'm not sure about you but for me at least when a relationship or even potential relationship (romantic relationship that is) is introduced into my life there's a sort of spark. This spark kind of makes my mind goes berserk. It makes my "intellectual" side go crazy. I believe this is due mainly to my trying to use logic... all the time. Let me explain how that makes sense. Now this is just my opinion but I think that if you can use logic you must! It's the closest way to get everything out on the table, understand one another somewhat clearly, rationally solve the issue at hand, and deal the least amount of hurt/ heartbreak possible in a given scenario. While that is great and wonderful it just doesn't seem to always work in relationships as often as I may want it to. You see, I want everyone to win! I don't want to hurt someone or get hurt myself... so I try and I try to manipulate the system and use my logic, sometimes it's (being logic) all I have. But when it's all I have and it isn't working... doubt sets in. Doubt is a slippery slope. Two completely sane and intelligent people have an argument. This argument can start to morph and reshape to the point that the two said individuals begin to buy into a false sense of reality. Thoughts stray from solving a problem and move towards attacking a person. This occurs because we're slipping away from the clarity we once knew with logic and now we begin to spiral into our emotions. These individuals have moved from solving a problem, to self-glorification. They at this point feel the need to break their now "opponent" instead of the ideas that they started with. The whole problem with our emotions is that we don't know when they'll change, we're uncertain of how we'll feel about something or someone tomorrow. This is the doubt that I feel. I feel this and it causes fear in me. Now doubt makes people think irrationally but fear, fear causes us to act irrationally. We often think we can sometimes subdue, hide or at least repress our actions. Unless we truly deal with them we can't stop them but merely delay them from occurring. The reality is that actions are a representation of who we are as human beings. You can't undo actions. Thoughts can be dealt with and maybe even never known by those closest to us but actions leave a mark. It's been said that actions speak even louder than our words. So we must be so careful when we fear because it can change everything. Acting out in fear causes us to break whatever remaining bond we shared with reason or logic. We were once able to hold onto something solid but now all we have to turn to is a broken situation and our ever changing emotions which are sometimes so unstable that we can't stand up on them.
I'm a thinker, a ponderer, an intellectual... maybe, so my mind tends to bang on all cylinders so to speak. I'm not sure about you but for me at least when a relationship or even potential relationship (romantic relationship that is) is introduced into my life there's a sort of spark. This spark kind of makes my mind goes berserk. It makes my "intellectual" side go crazy. I believe this is due mainly to my trying to use logic... all the time. Let me explain how that makes sense. Now this is just my opinion but I think that if you can use logic you must! It's the closest way to get everything out on the table, understand one another somewhat clearly, rationally solve the issue at hand, and deal the least amount of hurt/ heartbreak possible in a given scenario. While that is great and wonderful it just doesn't seem to always work in relationships as often as I may want it to. You see, I want everyone to win! I don't want to hurt someone or get hurt myself... so I try and I try to manipulate the system and use my logic, sometimes it's (being logic) all I have. But when it's all I have and it isn't working... doubt sets in. Doubt is a slippery slope. Two completely sane and intelligent people have an argument. This argument can start to morph and reshape to the point that the two said individuals begin to buy into a false sense of reality. Thoughts stray from solving a problem and move towards attacking a person. This occurs because we're slipping away from the clarity we once knew with logic and now we begin to spiral into our emotions. These individuals have moved from solving a problem, to self-glorification. They at this point feel the need to break their now "opponent" instead of the ideas that they started with. The whole problem with our emotions is that we don't know when they'll change, we're uncertain of how we'll feel about something or someone tomorrow. This is the doubt that I feel. I feel this and it causes fear in me. Now doubt makes people think irrationally but fear, fear causes us to act irrationally. We often think we can sometimes subdue, hide or at least repress our actions. Unless we truly deal with them we can't stop them but merely delay them from occurring. The reality is that actions are a representation of who we are as human beings. You can't undo actions. Thoughts can be dealt with and maybe even never known by those closest to us but actions leave a mark. It's been said that actions speak even louder than our words. So we must be so careful when we fear because it can change everything. Acting out in fear causes us to break whatever remaining bond we shared with reason or logic. We were once able to hold onto something solid but now all we have to turn to is a broken situation and our ever changing emotions which are sometimes so unstable that we can't stand up on them.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Selfless? Part 2
In my efforts to be more selfless I've encountered some issues. I'm realizing the desire I now have to be more selfless and that pushes me to... be more selfless. Now I used to think that that would be great, just like others I'm sure would think it great to strive to be more selfless, but it's bad. As in bad news. As in I now am more prideful in my own humility and in my efforts to do things that are "nice, sweet, kind, considerate, etc." and it makes me think that I'm better than other people. Like I'm somehow in on a secret that almost no one else knows about. Laughable, I know. I think to myself about how much more considerate I am than someone else, or I think about how I can't be annoying because I can see all their faults and I'm not doing any of that so... I'm good. False. I suck. Bottom line I mean let's get down to business and cut the crap. I am a selfish person. Now I want to be selfless and I'm trying hard, I mean I really am. I think I'm better than everyone and everything. So yes you're right, there's my problem. I'm trying to accomplish something I can't accomplish. I can't do it, come on! NO WAY! It is not possible and the only thing that happens, other than you trying to boost your own ego in something that isn't real, is you get wicked frustrated because you soon realize that the reason you're being selfless is for whose gain? YOUR GAIN. And that is the opposite of selfessness.
In talking with people I try to stay kinda quiet and not brag about myself because, well of course I wouldn't want to be selfish and brag about myself so that I can get more attention. That would just wouldn't be selfless. I mean that's just annoying. I feel like people that talk a lot also LOVE attention. And not just love attention but crave and need it, coincidence? I think not. Anyways my not talking about myself opens up a window for other people to talk about themselves. Now this makes me feel better about myself because I know that I'm not bragging and someone else is so I'm just like the man pretty much. Right? Boom WRONG. No way. That is lame and all it does is boost my little ego in my head. And why would I want to do that?? Because I'm selfish. Boom Analyzed.
In talking with people I try to stay kinda quiet and not brag about myself because, well of course I wouldn't want to be selfish and brag about myself so that I can get more attention. That would just wouldn't be selfless. I mean that's just annoying. I feel like people that talk a lot also LOVE attention. And not just love attention but crave and need it, coincidence? I think not. Anyways my not talking about myself opens up a window for other people to talk about themselves. Now this makes me feel better about myself because I know that I'm not bragging and someone else is so I'm just like the man pretty much. Right? Boom WRONG. No way. That is lame and all it does is boost my little ego in my head. And why would I want to do that?? Because I'm selfish. Boom Analyzed.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Selfless?
Is it possible to perform a selfless act?
I would like to think so... but then again wouldn't that be for MY benefit? Wouldn't I want that to be so that others would look at me and say, "Wow what a great guy that Garrett is, he cares about others so much. blah blah blah crap crap crap." Do we really just, in the end, do something so that people will think better of us, or that some cosmic force like karma will swing our way because we let an old lady go in front of us in line at McDonalds. Is it possible that we just do this because we're "good people" or maybe we have so little love for ourselves that putting others in front of us/ serving others is the only way we can dignify our existence. Hopefully the latter isn't true. So what can we do to make a good deed not about our gaining something, but us truly sacrificing apart of ourselves for someone else's gain. Say a solider dives on a grenade to save their platoon, is that selfish? I doubt the person had a death wish but one could argue that they wanted to be remembered as a hero, but there's no way for us to know a dead persons motives. But if I had to guess and you wanted to know my opinion which I assume you do because your reading this... I would say that it's either the dumbest thing one could do or one of the bravest. I say bravest. There is no greater sacrifice than for one to lay down their life for a friend- I stole that from the bible I think. So is this sacrifice "good enough" to be deemed selfless? One can't truthfully say 100% one way or the other but I feel like in this situtaion, more than likely, it's selfless.
What about the everyday, real life?
To start, I think it boils down to your view of Christ. I believe that selfless acts outside of Christ, are in the end, for personal gain. I realize this may seem like an erroneous claim but wait. Pyschologist have proven that a great way to get out of depression is to help others in need or just help someone else because in the end it makes you feel better. Example, helping an old woman across the street. When the both of you are across the street she thanks you, says there should be more people like you in the world, and then you get to hear about how she moved from Chicago to Georgia in the 70's and how difficult the move was... But when you continue on down the street unaccompanied by the lovely old lady, a smile comes across your face. Now by no means should you feel guilty for scraping some joy out of life, but by it's nature the phrase selfless act implies that your not doing something for your own pleasure/benefit but rather someone else's. "One of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others." -Rick Warren. When you perform a good act... actually let's say that when God performs a good act through you, does selfishness apply? Our actions here on Earth shouldn't be us trying to have more gifts in heaven or whatever you want to call it. It should be about glorifying God. We need to take our relationship with Christ so seriously and live so deliberately that heaven is but icing on the cake for us when we die (though in actuality it's far more than icing on the cake could ever dream of becoming). Because it's all about the glorification of the God's name, it's not about us getting into heaven. But then is it at this point when we can fianlly do something in the name of the Lord, it be a blessing to someone else, and it truly be selfless? We do this or this is done through us because we love God so much that it flows out of us. E'en so, don't we still get a sense of satisfaction out of being obedient and bring praise to our God? Similar to our old lady, but slightly more meaningful. But is it at this point we've sacrificed ourselves to God thus putting us in the same field as the person that jumped on a grenade, true sacrifice. If we're talking about true sacrifice here I don't see why an act in the name of the Lord can't be selfless. Because to me, sacrifice means giving everything and expecting nothing in return.
I would like to think so... but then again wouldn't that be for MY benefit? Wouldn't I want that to be so that others would look at me and say, "Wow what a great guy that Garrett is, he cares about others so much. blah blah blah crap crap crap." Do we really just, in the end, do something so that people will think better of us, or that some cosmic force like karma will swing our way because we let an old lady go in front of us in line at McDonalds. Is it possible that we just do this because we're "good people" or maybe we have so little love for ourselves that putting others in front of us/ serving others is the only way we can dignify our existence. Hopefully the latter isn't true. So what can we do to make a good deed not about our gaining something, but us truly sacrificing apart of ourselves for someone else's gain. Say a solider dives on a grenade to save their platoon, is that selfish? I doubt the person had a death wish but one could argue that they wanted to be remembered as a hero, but there's no way for us to know a dead persons motives. But if I had to guess and you wanted to know my opinion which I assume you do because your reading this... I would say that it's either the dumbest thing one could do or one of the bravest. I say bravest. There is no greater sacrifice than for one to lay down their life for a friend- I stole that from the bible I think. So is this sacrifice "good enough" to be deemed selfless? One can't truthfully say 100% one way or the other but I feel like in this situtaion, more than likely, it's selfless.
What about the everyday, real life?
To start, I think it boils down to your view of Christ. I believe that selfless acts outside of Christ, are in the end, for personal gain. I realize this may seem like an erroneous claim but wait. Pyschologist have proven that a great way to get out of depression is to help others in need or just help someone else because in the end it makes you feel better. Example, helping an old woman across the street. When the both of you are across the street she thanks you, says there should be more people like you in the world, and then you get to hear about how she moved from Chicago to Georgia in the 70's and how difficult the move was... But when you continue on down the street unaccompanied by the lovely old lady, a smile comes across your face. Now by no means should you feel guilty for scraping some joy out of life, but by it's nature the phrase selfless act implies that your not doing something for your own pleasure/benefit but rather someone else's. "One of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others." -Rick Warren. When you perform a good act... actually let's say that when God performs a good act through you, does selfishness apply? Our actions here on Earth shouldn't be us trying to have more gifts in heaven or whatever you want to call it. It should be about glorifying God. We need to take our relationship with Christ so seriously and live so deliberately that heaven is but icing on the cake for us when we die (though in actuality it's far more than icing on the cake could ever dream of becoming). Because it's all about the glorification of the God's name, it's not about us getting into heaven. But then is it at this point when we can fianlly do something in the name of the Lord, it be a blessing to someone else, and it truly be selfless? We do this or this is done through us because we love God so much that it flows out of us. E'en so, don't we still get a sense of satisfaction out of being obedient and bring praise to our God? Similar to our old lady, but slightly more meaningful. But is it at this point we've sacrificed ourselves to God thus putting us in the same field as the person that jumped on a grenade, true sacrifice. If we're talking about true sacrifice here I don't see why an act in the name of the Lord can't be selfless. Because to me, sacrifice means giving everything and expecting nothing in return.
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