In my efforts to be more selfless I've encountered some issues. I'm realizing the desire I now have to be more selfless and that pushes me to... be more selfless. Now I used to think that that would be great, just like others I'm sure would think it great to strive to be more selfless, but it's bad. As in bad news. As in I now am more prideful in my own humility and in my efforts to do things that are "nice, sweet, kind, considerate, etc." and it makes me think that I'm better than other people. Like I'm somehow in on a secret that almost no one else knows about. Laughable, I know. I think to myself about how much more considerate I am than someone else, or I think about how I can't be annoying because I can see all their faults and I'm not doing any of that so... I'm good. False. I suck. Bottom line I mean let's get down to business and cut the crap. I am a selfish person. Now I want to be selfless and I'm trying hard, I mean I really am. I think I'm better than everyone and everything. So yes you're right, there's my problem. I'm trying to accomplish something I can't accomplish. I can't do it, come on! NO WAY! It is not possible and the only thing that happens, other than you trying to boost your own ego in something that isn't real, is you get wicked frustrated because you soon realize that the reason you're being selfless is for whose gain? YOUR GAIN. And that is the opposite of selfessness.
In talking with people I try to stay kinda quiet and not brag about myself because, well of course I wouldn't want to be selfish and brag about myself so that I can get more attention. That would just wouldn't be selfless. I mean that's just annoying. I feel like people that talk a lot also LOVE attention. And not just love attention but crave and need it, coincidence? I think not. Anyways my not talking about myself opens up a window for other people to talk about themselves. Now this makes me feel better about myself because I know that I'm not bragging and someone else is so I'm just like the man pretty much. Right? Boom WRONG. No way. That is lame and all it does is boost my little ego in my head. And why would I want to do that?? Because I'm selfish. Boom Analyzed.
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huh. (this is gonna be a long response) big problem you're trying to tackle sir. i think i told you, but maybe i didn't. my college pastor started a series called "the gospel according to facebook." it's all about this issue of narcissism and egocentrism. how mankind has bought into the lie that life goes best when it's all about "me". FALSE. in my most humble and fallen opinion, you aren't doing anything wrong. your just trying to tackle an issue that you can't fix. going about it the wrong way. who is the primo example of selflessness and humility?? Jesus stinking Christ! we need to acknowledge that. we need to acknowledge that life is all about him and living for him: Psalms 8:1-4, 19:1-4, Isaiah 42:8, 43:7, 48:11. Giving God the glory is top priority. the problem you're having should fix itself, if you are acknowledging God. you will be rewarded, but your motives won't be for the reward, but so that God gets the glory, yes? ONLY if that's your prime focus. it must be. C.S. Lewis recognizes the problem and struggle of humility in his book "screwtape letters." i leave you with this (make sure to open your bible and read those verses i gave you. it will set your focus on Christ). the context of what you're about to read is an demon uncle is writing to his demon nephew, screwtape, who is trying to corrupt a "patient":
ReplyDeleteOur patient has become humble. Have you drawn his attention to this fact? All virtues are less formidable to us once the man is aware that he has them, but this is especially true of humility. Catch him at a moment when he is really poor in spirit and smuggle into his mind the gratifying reflection "By jove! I'm being humble," and almost immediately pride - pride at his own humility - will appear. If he awakes to the danger and tries to smother his new form of pride, make him proud of his attempt - and so on, through as many stages as you please. But don't try this for too long, for fear you awake his sense of humour and proportion, in which case he will merely laugh at you and go to bed.
love you brother.
Hey Garrett! Stumbled on here... but wow: this is definitely something that popped up so much in my last few years as well! (And Miles, just reminded me that I should get started on that CS Lewis book... I keep putting it off!)
ReplyDeleteI wise prof once told me to follow the example Christ left for us in times of question and need, especially when it's as internal as you've found. Redirect. Take it off yourself. Like intercessory prayer for others. Like Jesus did on the road leading to the cross to all He met, and when He was on the cross with the other two and his close ones watching from below. As we take the spotlight from ourselves to God and others, as Miles put it nicely, it starts to take over after time. God starts to take over.
This leads me to something I've been exploring (conversations with Harold too)... it's easy for me to say "just take your mind off yourself" but haha.. I'm laughing at that just hearing it. When we try too much to 'do' selflessness... it is just that. "WE" do it... and we try, and try. What if we didn't try so hard, and just... was selfless? We're not perfect, and we won't catch every moment to be selfless, but when opportunities come up, (and there are many tiny, little minute ones...) just make the decision to be as such and redirect to keep your mind focused on God and those you help.
Perhaps this is more contextualized for each person's mind and heart, but if I may share that tidbit of my own experience in this (and of course, it doesn't end here for me as I'm still learning each time this comes up for me), well... there ya go.
G-DAWG! (Well, that seemed a fitting way to begin an intellectual discussion),
ReplyDeleteOk, my reply is too long for one post, so it’s split into 2 ok?
Hey man, I love the work you're doing and I think you are hitting on a really sensitive subject and are going about it the right way. In philosophy, we want to know the truth, the whole truth. This comes by calling everything into our awareness, not ignoring it or redirecting it. So you are right by doing that and I really commend you for it. Doing this, you have found that when you call these “selfless acts” into your awareness, they are not as selfless as you first thought. My advice is not to ignore this, suppress it, or redirect it. But that's a trap isn't it? Either, you ignore it and are disingenuous, you focus on it and you're selfish, or you focus on it and you are not selfish, and this third option is one I'm going to explore with/for you.
I have been toying with this idea since I read your first post and struggling with how to put it into writing, and then today I came upon a C.S. Lewis sermon entitled “The Weight of Glory” and it said everything that I was thinking with more depth and eloquence and spoke to the heart of this matter so I want to share it with you.
Lewis says that in modern times, people tend to rate unselfishness as the highest virtue, but the ancient Christians would have rated love as the highest. The difference in these two virtues is that one is passive and the other assertive. Unselfishness (the virtue you are wrestling with) only refers to refraining from committing some act, but love refers to actively and passionately securing blessings for others. Now, unselfishness and self-denial (selflessness) are good but they are not an end in themselves. They are good because they allow us to truly follow Christ and love others. All this to say, your discussion on selflessness is a discussion on how to refrain from, not add to. You should be thinking about passionately adding to others.
Now I have brought passion into the mix. With passion comes delight and desire: you must desire and enjoy adding to others. This is the hinge point of your discussion. As you look inside yourself, you find that you are enjoying your acts of selflessness and are generally pleased at yourself for doing them. Actually, that is good. When you do the right thing, God ordered this world so that you would enjoy it. It actually feels better to do what God wants us to do. Some Christians have even called Christianity a type of hedonism because its actions are so enjoyable. You should love to sacrifice and help others, and you should feel good after you do that. I am basing this on my perception that you feel an obligation to be rid of good feelings as you perform a selfless act. But this obligation is an Enlightenment addition, from those like Kant saying the truly good act is one that you don’t desire. But that is wrong. You should desire the good, for others and yourself. God wants you to be a cheerful giver and for you to reflect on your day’s work and life and be gratified in what you devoted yourself to.
There obviously is a way to get carried away in this desire for doing the right thing, no question. But for this you should be discerning. If you do the act in public to be seen by others, then that is not a good motive. If you do it to be seen in the eyes of the one you are serving as good, then this is not a good motive. But if you do it in secret, and enjoy the service, enjoy making the person feel good, and walk away with a smile on your face and warmth in your heart, craving to do it again, this is exactly how God wants you to feel, how you “ought” to feel, even though ought and duty seem out of place when discussing passion and desire.
ReplyDeleteThe gospels are full of promise of reward for doing the right thing. God is clearly trying to motive us to do the right thing, and it is good for reward to come to those who please God. I have not seen anything in your account that really conflicts with being selfless or loving. All I have seen is desire and enjoyment in doing the right thing, and the N.T. and C.S. Lewis and RyCow have no problem with that! With the help of the Holy Spirit, this is possible.
I work with autistic kids. There is no way for them to repay me for the services I do for them. There is no way for me to gain anything from them, or even to gain an increased status in their eyes. But I desire to serve them, I love doing it. I love knowing that I am giving up of myself and entering stressful situations to help others. So, I think it is possible, and I think I have experienced this in some small way, so I know you can too. You’re getting a much earlier start than I did. The one point I’m trying to make in this entire response is that there are many things in life that you will do to help others. Sometimes they will come back to benefit you, and that is not a bad thing.